Solitude
by EdwardsEvilAngel
Summary: My version of New Moon. Bella really did try to commit suicide , then...read and find out:p
1. Chapter 1

**Right now I'm trying to fight the desperate need to go skating.**

**It is set just after New Moon , I've changed little bits. Hope you enjoy it. Please review. Constructive criticism only.**

**I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

**B/N Ill beta for this as well. Love this! Great job! Follow me on Twiiter-marsbareater12! Okay, enough self-promo. On with the story!**

**Bella POV**

It's like a giant hole, has been punched through my chest. A big, gaping hole where my heart should be. He took it with him when he left. Now I'm alone. No Edward, no Alice, none of them, just me.

It really is pathetic, what I've become. I'm a shell of a person. I sit here all day, watching the world pass by. I don't want any part of it. Not without him. Forks isn't as green and alive as it used to be. The rain doesn't feel the same against my skin; the rare days of sun don't warm my skin like before. Life is hard and long.

For a while I tried, for Charlie. Like he told me to. I'd fooled everyone, even Jacob. But it didn't work. I can't carry on pretending. So I stopped. My friends from school gave up on me then, I didn't have it in me to smile at them. But Jacob tries to understand, he has stayed with me through everything. He loves me.

Charlie was so happy that I found Jacob; he was the one I should have picked according to Charlie. And I guess he would be the right choice. He can give me a chance for a normal life, well as normal as living with a werewolf can be. I just wish they could both see that I don't have a choice.

You can't pick who you fall in love with. You can't turn love off either. No matter how hard you try. And believe me, I've tried.

I wanted to love Jacob, the way I loved Edward. But I can't. Even though I'll never see him again and he doesn't love me back. I will never stop loving him.

And it kills me. I'll never see his beautiful face again, never breathe in his heavenly scent and never gaze into his golden eyes.

Another painful wave washes over me and I begin to sob. It sounds strange against the silence of the house. One word comes to mind. Pathetic.

I can see why he left me, I don't blame him. I'm surprised he stayed for so long. They put up with me for so long, and I let them. Following them around like a puppy, pretending I was good enough but I never will be.

I can't go on anymore. And I'm sorry. Sorry to the few who still love me, please understand that I have to do this. I know I'm taking the easy way out, like I said, I'm pathetic.

I stand slowly and stretch my weak muscles, stiff from sitting still for so long. I cross my small room and open the window. Taking one deep breath of fresh air, I look around at the tall green trees and the deep grey clouds. Peace washes over when I realise this is the last thing I will ever see. The quite relaxes me and I stop to enjoy the moment and wipe the tears from my cheeks.

After this, there will be no more pain, worry or suffering. Only silence. With one last breathe I pull the window closed. The flashes of Edward climbing through them make me smile, not wince. Maybe knowing it would all be over soon has numbed the pain a little.

If I'd have known doing this would let me see Edward without gut wrenching pain, I would have done it ages ago.

Before leaving the room, I tidy up a little .Just enough to make the room presentable, so Charlie doesn't have to when I'm gone.

With one last look around my room, I leave closing the door behind me and walk toward the bathroom. Locking the door behind me and opening the cabinet next to the sink, I reach in and blindly grab any small white tub of pills.

I shake it near my ear and smile, it's almost full. Without hesitation I open it and pour out a handful.

"I'm so sorry" I whisperer to no one in a cracked disused voice. I swiftly bring my hand to my mouth and start to swallow them.

When my hand is empty, I give a sigh and rest my spinning head against the floor.

I close my eyes and concentrate on the overwhelming peace I feel. It washes over my pained heart; I knew this would stop the pain.

The calm is broken by repeated bangs on the door.

"Bells, are you ok in there?" I hear Charlie ask.

I know I can't answer him. My body has grown too weak.

"Bells?"

When I don't answer he knows something's wrong. He's known this was coming for weeks, that's why he doesn't hesitate to knock down the door.

I watch his face as he sees his only child, almost passed out on the bathroom floor one hand clutching a pill bottle.

"Oh god Bells. Why?" He mutters. He lifts me up quickly, over the toilet and one of his fingers reach into my mouth, forcing me to retch.

NO! What is he doing? I need this. Please dad stop.

I cry when I realize this won't be the end. I cry as I throw up the pills and sob as Charlie picks me up and rushes me to his cruiser.

When we reach the hospital, I lose consciousness trying to avoid the hell, I can't escape.

**Charlie POV**

I need someone to help me. I'm losing her. She's fading away in front of my eyes. What should I do?

She just sits there all day. Staring. It breaks my heart to watch. And Renee is sick with worry. A lot of people are.

She hardly eats, barley sleeps and looks like death on legs. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. I can't deal with this on my own.

I remember what it feels like to have the love of your life leave you. When Renee left I was devastated. I love her with everything I have in me, even now, when I know I'll never get her back. But I learnt to live again, move on, in a way.

She must have loved him more then I realised, more than life itself. I always thought it was just a high school crush, but it's a hell of a lot more than that. They're soul mates, she can't live without him. Part of me is surprised she got this far.

I have thought a lot about contacting the Cullen's, the hospital must have some contact information. Maybe some contact with them would do her good, what I don't get is why they didn't give Bella some way to keep in touch. They were all friends, it doesn't make sense.

I'd also like to know how Edward is. Has he moved on to break some other girl's heart? He used to look at Bella with so much Love and affection, no matter how much I tried to deny it... It's not his fault that his family moved away, it's not even Dr. Cullen's fault. Its life, you move on. He's the best doctor I've ever heard of, LA would have offered him a huge pay check and his family could enjoy the sun and leave the rain behind them.

But why did they have to leave her like that. Just thinking about them used to make me angry, but now I just want my little girl back. And while there gone so is she.

I hear the sound of dragging feet and the bathroom door closing. I sigh and look at the clock. It's 12:35 in the afternoon. I'm worried she won't make graduation; she's missed so much school. I've spoken to her teachers and there giving her a few weeks off, everyone can see not only has her physical health deteriorated but her mental health has to. She needs to speak to someone; I'm looking for a professional. Not that I think it will help though. I don't think she'll ever get better.

I stand from my chair and start to walk down stairs. As I pass the bathroom door, I barley her Bella mutter something to herself, unease sets in my stomach.

"Bells, are you ok in there?" I said knocking. I get no answer and my worry grows.

"Bells?" I call again. I knew this was coming. I've had nightmares about this. I easily knock the door down and what I see makes my nightmares feel like nothing. My little girl is lying on the bathroom floor, pill bottle in hand.

"Oh god Bells. Why?" I whisper, tears streaming down my face. I lift her gently but quickly into my arms and hold her over the toilet. I put my fingers into her mouth, ridding her body of the pills she'd taken. I watch the tears fall as she starts to retch and when she's finished she sobs heavily into my chest. My heart breaks to pieces when I see her lifeless eyes, but I can't breakdown now, she needs to go to a hospital, to be sure I got all the pills out of her system.

When we reach the hospital she is passed out on the back seat. I carry her in and yell at the nurses for help. When she is taken away by a doctor, is sink into a chair. My mind reeling, I put my face in my hands and rub my weary eyes.

I flinch when a cold hand touches my shoulder. Looking up, I see someone I never thought I'd see again.

**AN: This has taken me days to write, it's not that long but I'm really proud of it. Tell me what you think. Only constructive criticism please. I own nothing.**

**I dissected a heart today in . I don't get Doctors. :\**

**B/N Neither do I!!**

**AN:LOL - IMPORTANT- I had a road safety talk today , Please keep your seat belts on and watch what your doing. This girl had over 300 stitches on her face after getting scalped by a car window as she flew out it. So please Think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I went to wal-mart yesterday! American readers might think that's nothing, But Wal-marts aren't big here and after reading all those wal-mart fan fictions I got so hyper and excited. Too bad I had nobody who would play with me.**

**Sorry for the loooooooong wait .**

**DISCLAIMER:I OWN NOTHING **

**PARTS TAKEN FROM NEW MOON BUT I DON'T OWN ANYTHING**

**Charlie POV**

_I flinch when a cold hand touches my shoulder. Looking up, I see someone I never thought I'd see again._

I stopped breathing for a few moments. Surprise, shock and overwhelming relief washed over me.

"Alice," I whispered. "I…Uh-Why are you here?-Not that I'm-"

She cut me off by pulling me into a hug, her small arms wrapping round me. I felt my own arms wrap around her shoulders and hug her back.

"Everything will work out Charlie, don't worry," she says to me. The awkwardness I usually feel with emotional situations is drowned by the comforting knowledge that someone is here; someone who could help.

She stayed with me until the doctors said we could take Bella home. I was relieved when they told me a councillor had been into speak with her, despite her insisting it was accidental. They were putting her on antidepressants for severe depression. It didn't really surprise me, but being told by a doctor made it reality

Alice helped me get Bella to the car and we lay her gently on the backseat. Alice got into her own car, telling me she would be ridding the house of pills and sharp objects. I gave her a grateful smile and a brief hug then watched as she drove off. I quickly glanced at Bella's sleeping form and started the cruiser to head home.

Alice had done a great job; nothing looked like it had been touched but the house was free of sharp objects. Bella was now asleep on the sofa while I tried to make the three of us something to eat, although Alice-having heard about my limited culinary skills- soon took over.

"How bad was it Charlie?" she asked softly.

I thought for a moment. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."

I closed the cupboard door I had opened and sighed against it.

"I've never felt so helpless," I began "I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She never eats or sleeps, she doesn't move most days. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic' but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

"She snapped out of it though." It wasn't a question.

I looked down for a moment. "N-no she hasn't."

Alice looked shocked for a moment but hid it quickly.

"It's been night of the living dead around here. When she does sleep she wakes screaming." I shuddered.

She looked at me and whispered "I am so sorry Charlie."

"It's not your fault; you were always a good friend to her."

There was a short pause, and my phone started ringing loudly. I answered and walked into the other room quickly, not wanting it to wake Bella. It was work, again. There was some bug going round and they needed as many people as they could at the station. I didn't want to leave Bella, but at least she'll have Alice with her.

I walked back to the kitchen to see Alice where I'd left her.

"I'm sorry to ask you to do this but would you mind watching Bells for a while?"

"Sure," she nodded. I smiled gratefully at her and reluctantly left with one last look at my daughter.

**Bella POV**

I hate hospitals, they stink and they're full of stuck up, over paid, quacks. That stupid councillor, I told her it was an accident but what did she say, "Severe Depression". What do they know?

The pain in my chest is even worse now, I could have finally ended it, but I failed. Like I fail at everything else. I long for it to be over, now I have to think about what to tell Charlie and Renee, deal with their sympathetic words, and have them force guilt on me for my actions

Why can't they just let me go? I need this to be over. I sigh quietly to myself and open my eyes. I'm back at home, in the sofa. Great. I just want to go upstairs and hide forever.

I can hear voices. Charlie and…Alice? Wow, I really have lost it. I'm not sure what 'it' is but I don't have it. Maybe I made Charlie lose it too. He's talking back.

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left," her angelic voice says.

"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie replies. "I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She never eats or sleeps, she doesn't move most days. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like "catatonic" but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

That's great dad tell her everything, I don't mind. I'm just glad she's just my imagination; hopefully she'll never know how pathetic I am.

I stay quiet and listen to the rest of the conversation, every time her voice rings out my chest stabs over and over, the pain intensifying and my need for death grows stronger.

When Charlie leaves and the front door is closed behind him the house falls silent. After what had happened, I'm surprised Charlie left me alone… Unless she is actually here, maybe I'm not dreaming, what if she saw me try to kill myself?

Stop. I tell myself. Don't get your hopes up. It will only make it worse.

"Bella." Cold hands smooth my hair and I realise, I'm not dreaming. I lean up slowly. My eyes widen. She's here. Right in front of me, in flesh and …venom.

There is such deep concern in her eyes that I wrap my arms round her neck and her cold arms wrap round mine.

"God Bella, What were you thinking?" she asks. She pulls be back to look at my face, waiting for an answer.

I can't tell her the truth; she'll hate me like Edward does.

"Why in the hell would you try and kill yourself? What about Charlie? What about-"

"It was an accident," I interrupt. I don't expect her to believe me, but I can't tell her, what if the rest of them found out?

She gave me an unconvinced look and pulled me into another quick hug.

"Does he- Did you tell-"

"No. He only calls in once every few months," she said quietly.

I drew my knees into my chest in attempt to smother the pain, just the mention of him felt like hands ripping away at my chest. Alice's eyes looked over me; I knew it was my skeletal form she was looking at so I quickly spoke up.

"How long are you here for?" I asked. I don't want her to leave. I couldn't survive when they left before, if she goes now …

"I'm not leaving Bella," she said comfortingly "Edward only left to protect you, look what good it's done. I don't want to leave, I don't care what he says; you're my sister."

I smiled at her and felt tears welling up and she pulled me into yet another hug. It was broken by a long yawn.

"You should sleep, we'll talk in the morning," I nodded to her.

I lay back down and she sat next to me. I fell asleep quickly, my body weak and tired after the days…events. I woke with a jerk **(If you've watched Xena , you'll LOL at that bit)** Alice was shaking me awake , panic in her eyes.

"It's Edward," she whispered. "He's going to the Volturi."

**AN : Please Review.**

**Check out Tokio Hotel , there amazing. I love Bill.**


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